Emotional Blackmail

I'm not done with it yet, but I've been slowly working my way through a book about "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward. This isn't a new book I guess. There seems to be a lot about it on the internet already.

I found this other website that talks about getting out of the FOG. Susan says that victims of blackmail are in a FOG of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. I can relate to that.

http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/EmotionalBlackmail.html

There is another book report here http://www.wayneandtamara.com/emotionalblackmail.htm

and then there is this little summary-  http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pagefifteen.html

Like I said I haven't finished the book yet, but a lot of it is common sense stuff. It just helps hearing someone else say it. It helps to put labels on things. Instead of just saying someone is "crazy", I can give it labels and that helps me take action. Sometimes that action might just be stalling for more time, or no action at all. I've already learned that not jumping the minute she tells me to jump will sometimes change the situation.

I think I'm about ready to tell her we won't be seeing her for Thanksgiving too. There is a lot of guilt that goes with that decision, but I think it's the right one. I just have to wait for the right time to tell her. I know it won't be easy.

Meanwhile back to the book... I'm wading through it, trying to absorb it. I feel like I need to read some of it again. This isn't something that I just want to read and forget. I want it to sink in so I'm taking my time.

Definitely recommendable if you have a toxic person in your life.

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weight loss

Just a quick update. The scales were good to me on Friday. I lost over 3 pounds, so I am down almost 20 pounds. Yay! Not off to a great start this week though and the weather forecast isn't looking good for walking so not expecting the same kind of results next time. Oh well. Still, I'll take it.  :-)

Little pieces of me are slipping away

I'm losing weight slowly. Last week I actually gained a little, but overall I'm down. I'll step on the scale tomorrow morning and see how this week has gone. Roughly speaking I'm down 15 pounds since August.

Another little piece of me that slipped away so to speak was my paternal grandmother. She passed away a few weeks ago. I posted about it in other places, and I am okay. This time I felt like I got it right. I visited her bedside, I knew she couldn't talk to me, I said my goodbyes, and I let her go in peace. When my maternal grandmother passed away last year I kept begging for a little more time. I didn't do that with this grandmother. I was coached by my dad, and I knew what to expect and what to do. I wish I'd had that support a year ago. But anyway... moving on...

My mother is up to her usual. I have been keeping notes elsewhere and it seems that every month she starts up with me again. Coincidentally this falls on around the 25th of the month. Check your calendar and you will see that Thanksgiving is on the 25th this year. Nice! My wonderful, loving, and supportive husband is helping me set some boundaries. We'll see what happens. It would be easier if I wasn't also worried about what things look like through the eyes of a 4 year old, but we will do our best to do what is right for all of us.

And that's all I've got for the moment. Little pieces of me.... here and there... it's dark out and not quite time to leave work yet. Time change in a couple of days. Slowly, slowly into winter we slip..... though the calendar tells us it's still fall.

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