I had this random daydream this morning and I thought I would share. What if somehow, some way I got stopped by Brandon of HONY and he photographed me. Ugh. What a nightmare! Haha. Would I say "No", maybe, Maybe not.
Here's what comes to mind-
1. I hate how I look. I know if I get my photo posted lots of people will have negative things to say about me. I know they will also say I should go to the gym, or do something to change my appearance.
2. I have a crazy mother. Crazy mothers and crazy childhoods are way too common in this world.
3. I wrote a book. I need to edit it and get beta readers and some day get it published but I hold back. Why? Because of that fear of rejection.
And all 3 are connected. Many of my friends follow Humans of New York. I would be recognized and seen by them and millions of others. I would be in the spotlight for about 30 seconds while people posted their comments, many of them probably negative. If HONY published my comments about rejection there might be some kinder comments but the negative would still be there.
Meanwhile I go on. I need to push past this negativity and get this writing done. Seriously. 2015 has to be the year.
My mother is giving me another end-of-life scare. I don't know if she will beat this one or not. We'll see. We've had scares like this before and she's come out okay. Still, how many times can she win?
My goals in 2015 include losing weight and writing more.
And I am way, way behind on GoodReads if you are wondering. I stopped applying to win books because I couldn't keep up with them all.